It's been a while since we've featured MS-Painted genitals in Goldmine, but it's the perfect time to empty this vault, before those "Spend less time looking at crudely drawn dongs" resolutions kick in!
NOTE: In case you found the article title hard to parse due to its use of slang, and you skipped the intro but chose to read the NOTE for some reason, take warning: The full name of this theme is "mspaint a dude waving his dick at a ghost," so you probably shouldn't look at it while working. I'll open with a long vertical image, so you won't see anything scandalous without scrolling; after that, you're on your own!
When I try to clear the ball, run into me at a thousand miles per hour, sending me flying halfway across the map. If the ball is coming down in front of the opposing goal and I'm in position to tap it in, run into me at a thousand miles per hour. Never stop slamming into me at a thousand miles per hour, unless you can slam into me even faster.
eSports are getting more attention, but these new non-nerd spectators have no idea what's going happening. Help them understand how and why you've decided to waste your life with these simple approaches.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.