Quantum Sleeper, submitted by nex. Sleeping in a bad is nice and comforting, but what happens if terrorists attack you? You have to get out of bed, get your slippers and maybe your glasses, then quickly rush to the panic room and hope to god Donald Rumsfeld and his crack commando squad save you before the terrorists rape away every ounce of your freedom, a concept they hate more than life itself. Thankfully, because some people are more stupid than other people, there is this amazing bed that doubles as a panic room and, when things go haywire, as your coffin.
Featuring a DVD player, a microwave, a refrigerator, bulletproof casing, and more, this is the perfect way to sleep the kind of sleep the most paranoid of lunatics dream of. Now I'm not a genius, but if you had the money to buy a bed this complex, you could probably afford to simply secure the room you sleep in, right? In the end, that would probably be more practical than sleeping in a tank.
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
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