Akiane, submitted by Derfish. Akaine is a young girl with many amazing talents. She is really into the Bible, and that pretty much counts as a talent these days. She writes horrible poetry that should put her at the top of the class of Livejournal University. Oh, she also paints and has been on Oprah because she paints.
"I want my art to draw people's attention to God, and I want my poetry to keep people's attention to God."
Did I mention that every single one of her paintings looks like it should be done on black velvet and leaning against a pickup truck for sale by a Mexican outside of a gas station? Yeah, lots of paintings of Jesus and sad children. The media, of course, loves it if a ten year old can tear herself away from the TV long enough to glue macaroni to a piece of construction paper. GENIUS AT WORK HERE PEOPLE. BABY EINSTEIN.
All the amazing predictions from The Simpsons that finally came true in 2016.
This is very real. As an insider I possess damning evidence that could utterly destroy Something Awful. This website has many enemies who appear to be coming to power in the United States. They probably have lots of money at their disposal, and I could really use some.
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