"Blind Me" Monitor Mode
Allow your friends to easily read the computer screen by simply looking at your face!
Bundled with MoFOS is our new and improved monitor mode. In addition to actually displaying graphics on the screen in a 400,000 watt glow, it also projects the image onto the back wall of your eye (the retina) and face (the flesh covering your head). This not only "looks really cool", but also provides a useful service by reproducing the picture of the screen on your face for others to see. The warm, burning effect of the monitor on your retinas means you will be able to see your computing experience on every wall, floor and surface for the next two days. Comes in several modes including "Tan", "Medium Rare", "Singe", and "Lobotomy". This screen mode is backed by over two doctors (doctorates given in balloon animal creation).
Advanced Hacker's Tools
Our OS allows access to even the most top-secret of confidential documents!
Ever wanted to be a super cool hacker like the ones in the films? Want to impress all the girls with your out-of-date yet "subversive" phreaking techniques, but think that it's too much of a bother to learn? Don't give up, our pre-made hacking tools are perfect for any occasion - whether it's credit card fraud, or hacking the Pentagon! You can trust our tools to make all passwords irrelevant (it finds back doors automatically) and safely keep you away from IRCops! (InfraRed Cops - they are like CyberCops, but they have night vision).
Of course, no real hackers use GUI's like us normal people, so you have to type out commands on a black screen with a green, DOS-like prompt. Here's an example:
COMMAND:> Hack Bill Clinton, Washington, America, EARTH
Bill Clinton has been successfully Hacked. HE IS PLOTTING A WAR!!!
That's right! No more cumbersome and confusing ips needed, just type in your target and get thousands of top secret pages on bombs and drugs and shit. By the way, passwords are always "sex", "god", "Ferrari", or the name of the person's mistress. ALWAYS.
This week, I'll be playing an '80s arcade rom rumored to be a CIA mind-control experiment. Please like and subscribe!
I'm thankful that the internet has a few more weeks of Net Neutrality protection before the inevitable outcome of deregulation comes to pass. I'll see you on Tier Basic, assuming you spring for the Limited Email Plan and your ISP hasn't throttled this domain.
Buy three Epic Loot Crates for only $7.99, get a free fourth loot crate for only $2.99!
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.