4 Color Rebellion Podcast, submitted by russell q. butterbean. I have no problem with the 4 Color Rebellion blog, as it usually has lots of interesting news and updates about video games. Which is why I was surprised when I listened to their podcast and discovered that it's a disaster hosted by the droolingest of Nintendo fanboys. "A shitty podcast hosted by nerds? Inconceivable!" you may say. But it's true. Even though the 4cr podcast is competently produced, listening to it is similar to hovering over a lunch table of Nintendo-obsessed seventh graders who have just been pantsed. And when conversation strays from Nintendo, it is soon brought back to digital knob-slobbing.
"Uh, did you guys see the PS3?"
"Yeah but I think we're all forgetting that Nintendo did it FIRST and DID IT BEST."
While the regular hosts can almost be forgiven for their obsessive nature, there is one person on this podcast who has shown me the true meaning of hatred. He makes Tim Rogers' fraudulent "cool American hipster in Japan" persona look like some kind of ultra-Fonz from the future whose coolness can explode jukeboxes from galaxies away. Any podcast with a "rebel in Japan" segment will allow you to hear this self-important Japanophile talk about his selection of music games geared toward 10 year old Japanese girls and other topics that are expertly known by nerds with arrested development and disposable incomes. It must take this guy hours to write out his long-winded segments, with pauses expertly placed just so you know he's being witty while at the same time tipping back an energy drink and stroking his neckbeard. I would question his credibility, but he does live in Japan and pays sixty dollars for DVDs America may have to wait up to a month to buy, so he's obviously the better man.
If you are reading this, rebel in Japan, I want you to know THAT I LOATHE YOU AND ALL YOU STAND FOR. I hope someone throws your Full Metal Alchemist messenger bag in the sewer.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
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