Vortex Healing, submitted by IlliterateJones. Pay-to-learn magical healing training is a scam as old as religion that has flourished in the Information Age.
VortexHealing® is a Divine healing art from the Merlin lineage,
Stop right there! That's where a normally calibrated bullshit detector should be triggered. If yours isn't beeping then you might want to check the battery. Okay, carry on...
designed to transform the roots of emotional consciousness, heal the physical body, and awaken spirit within the human heart.
Ah, okay, so it's sort of like Aspirin, only it's made out of nonsense. But how does it work?
VortexHealing is truly holistic in the way that it works on a person. There are 49 different forms of Vortex Light, each with a different function, and each goes exactly where it needs to go to optimally help the person who is receiving healing.
Like, dudes, you just think about the cancer and these beams of light will shoot down and the cancer will disappear! Call the hospice and cancel the chemo! This couldn't possibly turn out badly for us!
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
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