WELCOME TO THE SERPENT'S LAIR, submitted by Graphite. Insane woman writes pages and pages and pages of rabid Transformers fan fiction. Inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality manifests itself in the hundreds of pages devoted to Soundwave and quotes like the following:

Who is Raksha? --The Plumed Serpent, the Steel Huntress - the last survivor of a naturally-evolved metallic species from the planet Gamma Reticuli II. Two interchangeable modes, winged snake and reptilian biped. Joined the Decepticons many centuries after leaving her destroyed homeworld. Armed with a double set of poison fangs and extremely sharp talons.

I have long found Starscream to be the single most interesting and multi-faceted character among the Transformers. Not my very favorite, mind you, there's a difference - and while he certainly makes my top-five list by now, I must admit that at first I actively disliked him. Here was someone who was constantly trying to undermine the imminently qualified leader whom I thought very highly of, and under the rules of "my friend's enemy is my enemy," I had Starscream pegged early as a contemptible and power-hungry jerk. Fortunately I didn't shut my mind completely and dismiss him after that negative first impression, because if I had, I'd have missed out on what is perhaps the most fascinating interpersonal relationship in the entire Transformers mythology, far more engaging than any one-dimensional Decepticon/Autobot conflict simmering in the background.

Recall Skyfire, whom Megatron was willing to accept from the start, and who, on Starscream's word, was given full honors as a Decepticon - a status that others, surely, had to first laboriously win. How did Skyfire thank his benefactors, those who saved his life and were willing to grant him all the rights and privileges of a Decepticon warrior? By betraying them and joining their enemies. It's a wonder that any outsider should ever again be considered for membership in the elite ranks - and yet, the back door was still open. Nightbird, as well, was later accepted as a Decepticon. She is the ideal example of an outsider who would have joined up and been worthy of doing so - thus not a resource to be utilized and thrown away, but a full-fledged member of the team.

Jesus Q. Christ, do you think the people who even wrote the damn show paid this much attention to it? Yet another frightening example of somebody who, in all likelihood, will stab you at the grocery store one day.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

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