Mark Zero Exclusive Creations, submitted by Rainbow Blight. Fan fiction has always been the refuge of the damned. Combining two of the great evils of this world -- bad writers and bad mass media -- it has produced innumerable monstrosities from Final Fantasy homosexual rape fantasies to Star-Wars-meets-Sonic-the-Hedgehog epics. In the face of such achievements, how could anyone possibly hope to contribute something meaningful to the wide world of fan fiction? How about by writing tales of everyone's least favorite hornrimmed militant lesbian, Daria? Call the Library of Congress, I smell a national treasure!

"Sick, Sad Burbank": In this "Daria"/"Animaniacs" crossover, Daria and Jane win a "Sick, Sad World" contest in which the grand prize is that they get to produce their own segment for the show. Little do they know that the segment in question involves interviewing that crankiest creature in the whole wide world, Slappy Squirrel!

"The Prepaid Phone Card Call of Tommy Sherman": A "Daria"/"Real Ghostbusters" crossover. When the ghost of Lawndale High's lecherous football legend haunts the football field, Ms. Li calls in Peter, Egon and the others. Daria is at first skeptical about the whole affair, but then matters take a turn for the worse when she's possessed by the ghost. Features special guest appearances by the Sugarbakers Interior Decorating Service and President Clinton!

"One Man's Trash. . .": A "Daria"/"Sanford and Son" crossover. When thieves steal a guitar that was once owned by Kurt Cobain, they hock it at Fred Sanford's salvage shop. When Trent breaks his while at LA for an important gig, guess where he goes to buy a replacement?

DARIA MEETS SANFORD AND SON, MY LIFE IS NOW COMPLETE. PLEASE EXCUSE ME WHILE I SHOOT MYSELF IN THE FACE.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

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