Mavens2.com "Prof, submitted by Trevor. Looking for some shoddy, embarrassing, laughably horrible website design that not only looks like shit but also costs $350 PER PAGE to design? Well look no further, as Mavens2 combines the most horrible graphic design with the most horrible HTML writing to come up with such stellar sites as this:
Steve Guttenberg's Official Web Site: Steve played leading roles in most of these films: "Police Academy", "Boys From Brazil", "3 Men And A Baby", "3 Men And A Little Lady," "The Big Green", "Cocoon", "Cocoon, The Return", "Diner", "Something For Joey", "Zeus And Roxanne", "Bedroom Window", "Short Circuit", and many more. We designed his official web site: http://www.steveguttenberg.com
Yes, their claim to fame is designing Steve Guttenberg's official site. However, that's not the most insane part of this page. Take a look at their pricing:
Each basic page: $350: Includes links to other pages, several of your graphics, graphic editing to make them "web suitable." Graphic buttons (from our collection) instead of text links at no extra charge. Minimum job is 2 pages.
Frames $200 extra per website.
Order or response form web page: $400 each
Promotional Banners $150 each.
$250: Create and optimize appropriate META tags that are within the guidelines of the major search engines and suggest needed revisions to the text of the main page of a website. This same service is available for each additional page for $150 per page.
Without periodic attention, due to constant competition and changing rules of the search engines, the quality of the listings on the search engines tends to decay. Top 10 positions can drop to 20, 30, 50 or even lower. To counteract this problem the pages will need to be upgraded, edited and re-submitted to the search engines. Our minimum monthly maintenance fee is $350.
After reading the pricing scheme for such utterly worthless crap, the immediate phrase that springs to mind is, "HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA." I need to get in on this web design racket, it sure beats selling crack. $350 PER PAGE. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA, Jesus.
If that boy isn't willing to shoot his laser and get you that carbon, he's not worth your time.
REFORMED HOG - Former member of the swine family, has now agreed to behave like a proper dog. Free to patient home willing to overlook physical defects. 555-2519
Available in Large, which is actually a Medium stretched out to appear bigger.
If you're in a tight spot, this is going to be really helpful (I'M JOKING. I'M KIDDING AROUND)
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