Fiveworlds, submitted by Joe Osburn. Happy birthday, Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka! Here's some fucking shit!

This site was established with the aim of providing a safe and pleasant environment for real vampires. Sanguinarians, Psi-Vampires and Seekers are all welcome here, as is anyone interested in vampirism. No roleplaying!

Hi! I'm 13 years old and I really want to become a vampire, and will do almost anything to become one. Please help me!Please give me all the information on being a vampire.If you know a mentor please give me his name and e-mail address.

Aim high, kids! Make sure to check out the page which tells you if you're a vampire or not and contains such gems as the following:

At the end of the day, i'm afraid, it comes down to the simple question - 'Do you think you are a vampire?' Chances are, if you are wondering if you are a vampire, you probably are.

Hell, if I read it on a webpage, it MUST be true!

PS: There's a guestbook for you to ask all your vampire-related questions. Good luck in finding your true vampire inside you!

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

  • SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.