THE LAST WORD, submitted by Peter. Tim "Bathroom Bandit" Brown crams his outdated web site with a mixture of left-wing idiocy, "humor," cartoons, and personal tidbits better left unshared. Here's an excerpt from his "illness log":
July 1992 - I was up late watching the Democratic National Convention, and this was the only time ever I exhibited bad aim while biopsying a canker sore with scissors. The canker sore was gone, but so was half of my tongue. It immediately became infected, and the whole left side of my face was numb for a day. I had to miss a day of work. Of course, the Republican National Convention should have sickened me even more.
Then there's political commentary, such as this:
New America was inactive in 1999, which was one of the few years in recent U.S. history that saw a decline in rightist tyranny. But in 2000, New America roared back with a revised approach and with slightly different geographic boundaries. The justification for seceding from the U.S. is the fact that our city block in Bellevue was deliberately skipped in the census, so it would not count when boundaries of congressional and state legislative districts are redrawn and would also lose perhaps millions of dollars in federal funds. The reason the fascist federal government skipped our block is that it has an exceptionally high ratio of registered Democrats over Republicans. Nothing more, nothing less. In addition, the Silver Grove Bored of Education decided at a secret meeting to do away with most of summer vacation, without soliciting input from the public. This is an out-and-out case of assault, because it endangers the health standards of the entire area.
I'm really not sure what to make of this page… is it all a really bad joke? Does he really think his high school was a "criminal enterprise?" Why does he keep talking about the "plop lecture?" He keeps records of the fastest he's ever rode his bike in a parking lot?!? Who would remotely give a damn about any of this babble, besides Mr. Bathroom Bandit himself?
I'm scared and confused. Help.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
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