The creators of Celebrity Apes pledge to morph famous faces until they become human-simian hybrids. It's a simple, if uninteresting, premise, but Celebrity Apes bungles every aspect of the execution, warping pictures in Photoshop's funhouse mirrors until they look less like chimps and more like plastic surgery disasters or decaying-flesh death masks. The only celebrities who end up looking anything like apes had huge head starts. Celebrity Apes enjoys affixing its clumsy distortions to cleavage-baring actressess, the most disturbing combination of primates and sexuality since 2001's wrong-in-a-million-ways Planet of the Apes remake, in which Marky Mark used his animal-talking skills to seduce a dirty monkey in a Helena Bonham-Carter wig.
Are we not allowed to be real parents anymore? We may have feared the CyborFreaks, but we damn well respected them and learned about boundaries.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.