Looking at the image below, you might think "man, there's no way that picture could get any fruitier!"

This is because you're not yet familiar with the "unique *magical*" abilities of celestial soul portrait painter Erial Ali.

Here's how Erial Ali's creative process purportedly unfurls:

  • Erial has a "phone consultation" with you, during the questions "do you like rainbows? and fairies?" are apparently asked.
  • You send Erial a high-quality photograph of yourself.
  • "Erial meditates and 'tunes into you' to 'get your unique essence.'"
  • Erial "magically transforms" your image into "a Celestial Soul Portrait of you!"

And here are the suggestions SirRobin offers anyone wishing to replicate Erial's results without using a wizard's hat:

  • Take one shitty photo.
  • Add lens flare, rainbow-hued highlights, clip art and Google Image Search-sourced low-resolution backgrounds, then add more lens flare.
  • Run it through a few filters, then MORE LENS FLARE.
  • Wait a month before taking a couple hundred bucks from the sucker for ten minutes of work.

It's easy to be skeptical in the face of the supernatural. Fortunately, Erial Ali provides a self-portrait, so you can decide for yourself whether you feel comfortable doubting the artistic divinity of a man with a glowing cross on his chest.

– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • We Are Ready to Announce That Grimace is Human

    We Are Ready to Announce That Grimace is Human

    It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.