Looking at the image below, you might think "man, there's no way that picture could get any fruitier!"


This is because you're not yet familiar with the "unique *magical*" abilities of celestial soul portrait painter Erial Ali.


Here's how Erial Ali's creative process purportedly unfurls:

  • Erial has a "phone consultation" with you, during the questions "do you like rainbows? and fairies?" are apparently asked.
  • You send Erial a high-quality photograph of yourself.
  • "Erial meditates and 'tunes into you' to 'get your unique essence.'"
  • Erial "magically transforms" your image into "a Celestial Soul Portrait of you!"

And here are the suggestions SirRobin offers anyone wishing to replicate Erial's results without using a wizard's hat:

  • Take one shitty photo.
  • Add lens flare, rainbow-hued highlights, clip art and Google Image Search-sourced low-resolution backgrounds, then add more lens flare.
  • Run it through a few filters, then MORE LENS FLARE.
  • Wait a month before taking a couple hundred bucks from the sucker for ten minutes of work.

It's easy to be skeptical in the face of the supernatural. Fortunately, Erial Ali provides a self-portrait, so you can decide for yourself whether you feel comfortable doubting the artistic divinity of a man with a glowing cross on his chest.

– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller

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