Unlike most fat women who dress their pets in stupid costumes, Sandy Paws has ascended to celebrity status, at least within her appalling subculture. Her Web site contained two ludicrous "Groomer to Groomer" covers, which I initially dismissed as make-your-own-magazine fabrications. Unfortunately, it turns out that Groomer to Groomer actually exists, luring professional dog trimmers and poodle-humiliation fetishists alike with an unbelievable array of bad-idea imagery. The fart-filled "Groomer Humor" section of the message board should provide hilarity for people who are both a) employed in the animal beautification industry b) retarded.
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.