Unlike most fat women who dress their pets in stupid costumes, Sandy Paws has ascended to celebrity status, at least within her appalling subculture. Her Web site contained two ludicrous "Groomer to Groomer" covers, which I initially dismissed as make-your-own-magazine fabrications. Unfortunately, it turns out that Groomer to Groomer actually exists, luring professional dog trimmers and poodle-humiliation fetishists alike with an unbelievable array of bad-idea imagery. The fart-filled "Groomer Humor" section of the message board should provide hilarity for people who are both a) employed in the animal beautification industry b) retarded.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.