Unlike most fat women who dress their pets in stupid costumes, Sandy Paws has ascended to celebrity status, at least within her appalling subculture. Her Web site contained two ludicrous "Groomer to Groomer" covers, which I initially dismissed as make-your-own-magazine fabrications. Unfortunately, it turns out that Groomer to Groomer actually exists, luring professional dog trimmers and poodle-humiliation fetishists alike with an unbelievable array of bad-idea imagery. The fart-filled "Groomer Humor" section of the message board should provide hilarity for people who are both a) employed in the animal beautification industry b) retarded.
If that boy isn't willing to shoot his laser and get you that carbon, he's not worth your time.
REFORMED HOG - Former member of the swine family, has now agreed to behave like a proper dog. Free to patient home willing to overlook physical defects. 555-2519
Available in Large, which is actually a Medium stretched out to appear bigger.
If you're in a tight spot, this is going to be really helpful (I'M JOKING. I'M KIDDING AROUND)