Want to get a puppy? Don't bother going to your local animal shelter. Instead, consider buying one from the world's sleaziest-looking dog site, White Doberman Puppies!
Why would you want a white doberman? Well, as their slogans proudly announce, you have "the Right To Choose" and "White is Right." I guess the assumption here is that you're a pro-choice white supremacist. Another big selling point: "No one is completely prepared without a BIG DOG and plenty of dog food." Wait, if you need a BIG DOG, why are they trying to sell you a little puppy? What a rip-off.
White dobermans are actually a mutant variant of doberman that most dog authorities, including the band Dog Police, agree should not be bred. This presents a wee pickle of a dilemma for the breeders behind White Doberman Puppies, who are hoping to unload these pups on unsuspecting saps. So, time for a little damage control: What do you know, it appears they "won" the Ethical Doberman Pinscher Breeder Award. Look, the problem is over!
Oh, you're still not convinced? Perhaps you should check out their link to "Real FACTS about WHITE DOBERMANS," which helpfully features zero facts about white dobermans. They'll get around to it one of these days, honest.
Anyway, let's assume you don't care about all that and want to buy a white doberman puppy anyway. This page features a weird mess of colorful boxes and random font sizes from 1999, plus a wide selection of dogs, a few of which are actually available. If you want to take home one of these puppies, you are REQUIRED to read this stupid e-mail forward. Then, it's onward to the purchase page, which exudes a level of reputability usually associated with trenchcoat-wearing thugs lurking in dark alleys.
White Doberman Puppies offers more than just white doberman puppies, you know: They also sell handmade jewelry by Corrine. It's hard to read the titles or prices because they're white text on a white background. Hey, Corinne, white isn't always right.
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Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.