Submitted by Paul Rice
A history lesson from an even bigger tard
When the 1800's started, the 1700's had barely ended. George Washington's cherry tree was chopped down because he hit it with an ax but this happened before the 1800's because it happened in the 1700's. People shot at some people because there was a war and then it ended and people stopped shooting because there wasn't a war.
Some people built a railroad and the Irish people ran out of potatoes and moved to New York. There was another war but this time it was a civil war because the civils were at war. A bunch of black people were freed but not really until the 1900's which happened after the 1800's which is what we're talking about.
A tall dude was president but got shot during a play by a dude who was mad that the wrong civils won the war then a bearded drunk was president then some boring people then a fat dude then then some dude who got shot again but not the same one and then it was the 1900's
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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