MEGA CITY (AP) -- Today marked renewed protests over the hot-button issue of same-sex robot marriage. Last week, the Supreme Council handed down a ruling in favor of the controversial topic citing the existence of a loophole that has allowed same-sex robot marriage for years; namely, that robots could simply install traditional Gender Modules in order to get married and then reinstall their old modules afterwards, thereby circumventing the system.
Opinion on the street was mixed, but generally positive.
"Everyone knew this day was coming." said Magnet Man, "I mean, hel-LO! Brick Man? Centaur Man? Pharoah Man? Snake Man? Total. Sausage. Party."
"This is indeed a great day for robot equality" said Heat Man. "I've been a flamer since I was first brought online and for too long, I've been denied rights based on which Robot Masters I choose to interface with. For my own safety, I've had to remain "in the storage bay", but today I'm coming out! My life partner, Top Man, and I plan on getting married next week."
"Ironically, he's a bottom", added Heat Man
"And I am such a Libra", added Gemini Man.
"But that hasn't even been an option for a lot of us!" Bubble Man interjected "I'd have loved to keep my robosexual orientation private but for fuck's sake, my name is BUBBLE Man. Anyone with two CPUs to rub together would know which team I pitch for. It won't erase the years of pain we've had to endure, but it is a start. I'm just glad I've lived to see this day that we've been waiting for since 20XX."
While many touted the day as a victory for the rule of law and equality, other opinions on the ruling weren't so favorable. Infamous mad scientist, megalomaniac and conservative activist Dr. Albert Wily released this press statement from his skull-shaped castle:
"This ruling by the Supreme Council proves how Godless and morally bankrupt our society is. What Mega City needs is a ruler who will further the populist values of our Christian majority and that is exactly the kind of ruler I will be once my fiendish and overly elaborate plot to take over the city using themed robots comes to fruition! Nyah ha ha ha!"
In another released statement known terrorist Bomb Man, wanted for a string of attacks on abortion clinics, echoed Wily's sentiments: "If we allow these human-themed robots to get married, what's stopping them from marrying animal-themed robots? God made Adam and Eve, not Wood Man and Chill Penguin. That ain't right."
Some, however, prefer to look at the bigger picture.
"I think the real question we should be asking ourselves is why in the fuck I designed robots with penises and tits and assholes and God knows what else in the first place", said famed inventor and scientist Dr. Thomas Light, "I mean, seriously, what? Do they shit spark plugs and piss oil or something? Why do they even need genitals? I have 13 doctorates and an IQ of 193 I can't even begin figure out what the fuck I was thinking."
© 21XX The Associated Press. All rights reserved.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
Were you enjoying your day? STOP! There is outrageous crap going on you need to know about!
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!