1. Page takes over three hours to load thanks to a shitload of large, unnecessary graphics that are supposed to show off the clan leader's "l33t Photoshop skillz".
2. Clan either writes in haX0r lingo, gangsta rap, or pseudo-military terms they heard from "Full Metal Jacket".
5. Clan members have trouble distinguishing between fantasy and reality.
7. Page layout / color scheme burns your retinas and causes brain damage
8. Website looks as if it were written by Jeff K.
9. Clan is not competent enough to check for / fix broken links.

Samples From Website:

"*IMPORANT NOTICE!* I think camaro, is making us our own script and a server for us to practice on, hopefully to play on as well.  we'll try to keep you guyz updated on whatz going on, and we challenged Stone, but i think there going to forfeit! kool =)"

"Hey fellas! I saw your leaders and I hope that we can keep our battles on the internet, because I'm sure as hell not looking for a fight with you guys!"

Description:This is another one courtesy of Lowtax. Thanks buddy, you prick. It's interesting to see a non-Quake clan featured in Clan Hell, as I was under the impression that only members of said community were unable to speak coherently or count to 7. I guess I was wrong, as the "Pissed of Punks/Pimps", a Tribes clan, have proved to me this isn't the case. According to the top of the page, they are the "Pissed off Pimps", yet on the rest of this cranium-melting abomination they are referred to as the "Pissed off Punks". Is it just me or is this clan suffering from an identity crisis? I would personally go with the first name, as pimps are much scarier than punks, especially when you refuse their "Special offer of the day," which is more often than not a transgendered McDonalds employee... but that's a story for another time.

I can't say it was surprising to see that the content of the page only made sense when I rammed my head into the screen, leaving me dazed, confused, and infintely dumber. Hi. Ummm, the photos of the clan leaders look particularly frightening. If I wasn't losing blood at an alarming rate I would've swore that they were of an African-American descent and each carried a "Glock" to "kick your fucking ass". The content of the major part of the site isn't too entertaining (at least in the places that it can be understood). JeffK has definitely had a hand in its creation as numbers are substi2ted 4 lettRz and 90% of the words are spelt incorectley. It is the guestbook, however, which is good to read before you head out on a suicide bombing. Whether it be other clans attempting to "kick any of your ghay ass leaders asses anytime faggots" or just scared female aspiring DJs "Hey fellas! I saw your leaders and I hope that we can keep our battles on the internet, because I'm sure as hell not looking for a fight with you guys!", the Pissed off Punks / Pimps guestbook is well worth a look. I think that's it, please just promise me you will never, ever visit this page, because if you do, I will not be responsible for how badly the clan leaders kick your ass.

Link for you to join?: Yes

– Tim

More Clan Hell

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.