1. Page takes over three hours to load thanks to a shitload of large, unnecessary graphics that are supposed to show off the clan leader's "l33t Photoshop skillz".
Samples From Website:
"Welcome to the Homepage of the COOLEST QUAKE-Clan of the Universe: The QKK (Quake Klux Klan).To get a survey, we will present our members"
"He's at the Klan for several month now and he want to fuck EVERYONE!!!!!!"
Description:One thing that really epitomizes humor for me is the attempts by those of non-English speaking nationalities to directly translate their backwards, evil lingo to our god-fearing, "normal" speak. The Japanese in particular amuse me in this department, as they seem to have an obsession with placing exclamation marks in entirely incorrect positions and often utilizing nonsensical adjectives. "What the fuck does this have to do with the damn clan page?" I hear you ask. Well the Quake Klux Klan is run by none other than a bunch of insane, racist Germans who have the problem of using completely incorrect translations and, in turn, making complete dickheads of themselves. To the review!
The clan's name itself gave me some clue that they may indeed be of German decent; I mean it was either that or rednecks. I must admit I initially leaned towards the redneck option as I could just imagine them huddled around their freshly stolen computer whilst "old pa" yells, "Dang Shaydene! Get dem dar Cletus and Brettany and Blake and Tobias and de odda how many yunguns and tell em Ma got the glow screen kickin'!" The progression from here to designing a clan site would only be a slight learning curve. Hence it'd be fair to say that I was a little taken back when I perused some of the site's actual content... and the parts of it that made sense left me realizing that the page was indeed German in nature.
"Captain Koma - Captain Koma lived in the Bronx until the age of 5. After he saw how his parents were killed by a fanatic christ, he lived in the most dirty streets of New York. He's at the Klan for several month now and he want to fuck EVERYONE!!!!!!
* His father had to violate his mother by using a knife, which he had to put around his hip. Therefor he was stuffed with spaghetti"
I decided that it was unnecessary to subject you to all the "clan profiles", except for one that not only included threats on the lives of all inhabitants of Earth, but a comment relating to kinky rape - do these wacky Germans ever know how to make us laugh! Don't show this page to your Jewish grandparents as they may suffer flashbacks. It is my conclusion that Adolf Hitler is indeed alive and well and is making his presence felt through the "Quake Klux Klan". Lock up your daughters (or sons) and never visit this page, or I guarantee any children you're ever likely to have will be eaten or at least cooked by these insane Germans.
Link for you to join?: No, thank merciful God.
What if you were a cop and the Skittle was mentally disturbed and wanted to be eaten?
DOPPELGANGER NEEDED - To minimize stress to my dog, I'm looking for somebody who is identical to me to take over ownership. Must also be able to fool my wife. Call to set up interview. 555-8252
I'll never forgive these giant alien insects! I'm trying!
"Clan Hell" takes a look at the hippest and hottest gaming clan websites out there.