INT. INDUSTRIAL CHAMBER
THREEPIO, tied to a girder, watches anxiously as the carbonite
block containing PADME is raised out of the machine by two
IMPERIAL SOLDIERS, WILKINS and DINN, who for some reason
Well rust my bolts!
VADER enters in his floating wheelchair without wheels.
He notices the PADME SLAB.
Yes... Very good. Now
she will be my silent,
beautiful bride for all
eternity! Were there
No, but... just before
we froze her, she said
the name... "Anakin."
Don't ever call me that!
Sargeant Wilkins, fetch me
WILKINS exits and returns with the lightsaber. VADER uses the
Force to wedge the handle between his knees and turn it on,
then drives his wheelchair forward, piercing WILKINS with the
blade. He falls over dead, the saber still protruding from his chest.
Now, I will need a cybernetic
spinal column because mine
burned up in the lava. Wilkins,
fetch me that droid!
He gestures with his eyes toward THREEPIO.
Uh, he can't, sir. Wilkins
Don't you tell me what Wilkins
can and can't do! Fetch me my
DINN retrieves the lightsaber from WILKINS' corpse and wedges it
between VADER's knees again. VADER drives forward into DINN,
Let that be a lesson to you,
Wilkins. Don't question my
orders. Now untie that droid.
We have work to do.
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
It's just a little confusing, is all.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.