INT – YODA CHAMBER
ANAKIN and OBIE WAN are fighting each other with lightsabers, precariously close to
the Yoda Pool. They jump around on things, and they keep almost hitting each other
but then one of them will duck just in time and not get hit. There is a bead of
sweat on Obie Wan’s brow, and his usually lighthearted temperament is tempered with
You shall not knock me in! I am more powerful
than you have ever been, former master. I am more
powerful than ANYONE has ever been!
Anakin, you must let the Yoda Pool cleanse you
of your dark-side taint!
My name is still Darth Vader now!
ANAKIN lunges at Obie Wan and their struggle continues.
INT – PADME’S BEDCHAMBERS – DAY
PADME is rocking LEIA in her arms and looking worried. Leia coos and gurgles like a
baby would. Padme is clearly waiting for something... or someone! There is a knock
at the door. Padme answers it, and it is JAR JAR.
Massa, me got a message fo’ ya, from massa
Bail Organa. He wanna take yo baby, chile.
Bail Organa? I am reluctant to trust a senator
now that Palpatine has declared himself Emperor.
He naw senator no mo,’ chile. He a king now! Yo
baby gonna be a princess!
Well I suppose that sounds pretty good. Would
you take it to him now?
Jar Jar takes little Leia in his arms and exits. Padme sits in a chair and weeps,
because she is sad that both of her babies are gone.
INT – YODA CHAMBER
OBIE WAN continues to battle ANAKIN above the Yoda Pool.
If you will not listen to reason, I shall have to
knock you into the Yoda Pool by force!
Never! My midichlorians will remain just as they are!
But Anakin, your midichlorians have turned evil and
are destroying the balance in your body! Can you not
see what you have turned into!
I have turned into... A GOD!
Anakin and Obie Wan fight some more. We see PALPATINE step out of the shadows,
outside their field of view. Palpatine pulls a bubbling potion out of his cloak and
holds it over the Yoda Pool.
Obie Wan is a fool! I shall taint the Yoda Pool,
And Anakin will NOT be healed when he falls in,
but will instead be turned... turned into a
terrible robot of the Dark Side!
Palpatine pours the potion into the Yoda Pool, which turns from a cool minty blue
to a terrible swirling red and black color.
WHO DAH MAN? YODA MAN! THAT'S RIGHT BABY, YODA MAN! Thanks to the SA Forum Goons for making my life worth living. Send food please. I'm tired of stale popcorn and flat soda.
Dissatisfied Star Wars fans have taken the women out of the Last Jedi with a new fan edit. They won't stop there.
The fifth phase of the week is upon us. Shops close, bars open, and we are free from the Bosses once more. But They Who Were Before Time await our tribute...
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The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.