INT – JEDI COUNCIL – DAY
PADME and OBIE WAN stand in the middle of the circle of Jedis. They are the same
weird aliens as before. YODA and the BLACK GUY sit next to each other, their faces
stern with contemplation. Padme has her newer child in her arms, swaddled in white
This child, Padme. Anakin does not know of it
As far as I know, he is unaware.
Good, this is. For now this way we shall keep it
That is what we thought as well. Master... I have
other disturbing news about Anakin.
SILENCE! Tell me this news.
He called himself Darth Vader when he saw his
child. He said that it was his new name.
Why did you not tell us of this sooner, Obie Wan?
This might turn out to be somehow important.
I did not want you to hastily condemn him because
of his new name, or anything. He is still my best
Foolish you are. Darth is the name of the Siths,
who as you know are like the Jedis but bad, they
are. And I thought that I was your best friend.
Oh... Master Yoda, you certainly are. I only
meant that it should go without saying. But do
you think that Anakin is truly a Sith?
He had evil in his eyes when he tried to take
the baby. I once loved him but now I love him and
fear him, which is complicated.
(Padme’s face strains; it is complicated)
Obie Wan, we have been monitoring Anakin through
Artoo’s eyes since last we met with him. He is back
at his estate on Naboo. His behavior has been erratic.
I suggest that we find a way to draw him out.
This was going to have been my suggestion have
The Jedis, Anakin, Padme, Yoda, and the Black Jedi all exchange serious and worried
glances with each other.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.