There are two kinds of people in this world - people who buy asses from Japanese vending machines, and people who buy asses from American vending machines. Hence, this having two pages! Page 1 is Japanese vending machine asses, and page 2 is the good old American stuff!

"A Japanese Vending Machine Where You Can Buy Asses"

little munchkin

Putting my 1500 yen into the high-tech machine and although my japanese is weak, I am able to navigate the menus and purchase an ass out of the 30 or so I have to choose from. Just another of the many things that you'd never see in western culture.

PHIZ KALIFA

*A commercial where a stylish girl is repremanded by her friends for not having an ass. Ashamed, she considers throwing herself in front of a subway, but across the tracks notices an Asahi Heavy Industries & Special Metallurgy Assotronic Vendymatic. She doublejumps to the far side safely, deposits her coins, and YATTAS! when the ass drop out*
*Before returning to cafe, she slips her new ass into her side-zipper pencil skirt, only to have it tear open! She is chagrined, a man on a scooter plows into a concrete planter*
*Upbeat jazz fusion plays over a shot of a model ass, somewhere on a rocky beach. Freeze frame on a gust of seafoam.*

cda

Shaking this machine because the ass won't fall out.

PHIZ KALIFA

*A row of elderly war vets sip beer in a park while I bust out a fuckin' bazonkers bongo solo on the largest vended ass purchaseable without a license*

free Trapt CD

imagine being the person who has to restock the ass machines. driving around on your moped in the middle of the night, stacking ass, not being paid enough to afford one yourself... the true face, or cheek, of poverty

Slumpy

i restock the ass machine when it empties out. its hard work, but an honest yen. got quite a few machines i gotta visit by days end, and only so many asses to give them, but you dont need to worry about my struggles, i just love my job of restocking the japanese ass vending machine

little munchkin

you can tell this ass used to belong to a sexy schoolgirl with blue hair, because it's got a picture of a sexy schoolgirl with blue hair on the package

FutonForensic

i always get freaked out when i watch Charlie and the Ass Factory and watch that german boy get sucked up into an ass. freaked out, and jealous

Kthulhu5000

It seems like the opening and closing montage of every 1970s yakuza-themed movie features two Shiba dogs in some derelict junkyard, playing a vicious game of tug-of-war with a discarded vending machine ass.

HIGHLY SYMBOLIC!

FutonForensic

i have to buy my ass from a machine, because whenever i buy one from Trader Joe's the cashier always always has to raise an eyebrow and say, "someone's having fun this weekend" and draw everyone's attention to it

just PUT the ASS in the BAG lady

google THIS

TFW you're trapped into a conversation with your neighbor on your way in and one of your grocery bags distinctly farts

HotSoapyBeard

So in Japan you can get hot or cold ass out of a vending machine and get this!! Tommy Lee Jones is on the adverts for ass over there. There's one ad where he climbs a mountain to meet a wise-man who hands him a hot ass and he finds enlightenment.

little munchkin

In japan the asses are small but you can get them in different colors and with little emojis printed on them. In the US you can get gigantic asses but they'll look exactly the same as your neighbors. It's interesting how different cultures place value on different things.

little munchkin

asses from italy are expensive and will break down within a month. you buy them as a status symbol, not for the functionality

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