Enjoy Crazy Dad Stories!
So here is a crazy dad story: Stardate, Christmas 1972.
Where I grew up, an occasional wintertime activity was "hopping cars". The back roads would be covered in compacted and polished snow and become very slick.. just like ice. Kids would stand by the side of the road and wait for a car to drive by. When it did, the kids would hurl themselves at the back bumper and hold tight. If they did it right they would be pulled along in a squatting position, hanging onto the bumper and sliding on the soles of their feet. It was dangerous, and it was something that my siblings and I were forbidden to try. Actually, most kids never tried it, only a few would do it consistently year after year.
Anyway, my dad was an ex-cop and still had the authoritarian attitude that he still must enforce laws and proper behavior even if it wasn't his job anymore. When he saw kids and teens hopping cars he would get angry and yell at them. They pretended to listen to him, but would be back hopping cars as soon as he left. This would vex my father terribly. He became obsessed with controlling their behavior.
He thought the best way to make them obey was to teach them a lesson and make them all pay. "They'll hop and they'll hop and they'll hop hop hop hop...." And the more my dad thought of this car hopping flop, the more my dad said "I must make this all STOP! Why for forty-three years I've put up with it now! I MUST stop car hoppings from happening...BUT HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea! My dad got a wonderful, awful idea!
The singer dove off the stage and crowd surfed in a sort of reverse funeral procession where the person being carried is the only one truly alive. Touching him I felt religious ecstasy and started speaking in tongues and requesting songs that didn't exist.
There's no easy way to put this, so I'll tell it like it is. Bouillon is died. He went missing before the weekend and yesterday I found his skeletonized remains at the bottom of the #3 soup vat during one of my swims. I thought the cream of mushroom soup had an especially nourishing taste, and a lot more clumps of fur and skin than usual.
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