Oh, hey, you're still here? You mean things haven't come to an abrupt, unsatisfying conclusion after four units? Thanks, improved NFL overtime rules! Now, have some bonus images that were vaguely inspired by ESPN special correspondent Touré's polarizing "What if Michael Vick were white?" article! They'll really make u think.

Cream-of-Plenty: What if Mike Vick was the first man on the sun?

Millie: What if Mike Vick was Dog... And Dog was Mike Vick?

St00ert: What if Mike Vick was that friendly old white fellah in the produce department?

Cream-of-Plenty: What if Kobe Bryant was David Beckham?

What if Kobe Bryant was David Beckham and he was mauled by a Pygmy Hippopotamus?

What if Kobe Bryant was David Beckham and he was mauled by a Pygmy Hippopotamus...in Hell?

Well, that about wraps -- ok, one more for the hardcore football people, because we almost never do sprots stuff. XyrlocShammypants brought football-headed draft prospect Josh Thomas to the attention of the Funhouse, and nnnAdam stuck him in a carton. Then other good-egg forums posters suggested comically conical options from the football world, until they'd gathered a full dozen, at which point uncle jimbo made it wiggle jiggle. It's mesmerizing...


– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.