Let me get your opinions on my numerical system. It's still in the preliminary phase, but I plan on giving it a test run:
I'm going to put my dick in this hat.
I'll flop it around until numbers stick to it, and then write down those numbers.
I'm just worried about paper-cuts. Any suggestions?
Lotto picks to follow, this evening.
If there are any cuts, be sure to apply direct pressure to the bleeding, then cleanse the area with an iodine-type solution (i.e. Betadine) or an alcohol swab. Probably avoid use of a tourniquet, unless you're into that sort of thing.
If you strain it, apply ice, compression, elevate it and rest. Consider making a sling with a triangular bandage.
If you break it, make a splint out of tongue depressors and a bandage. Then go to the hospital and the good doctors will put it in a cast.
I was thinking about my hat method, and it occurred to me that there must be a more effective way of doing this; something that grants my penis free reign over the fates. I mean, flopping around is nice, but what I would really like to see is my dong choosing from high above. This would ensure that each pick is a genuine reflection of my penis' foresight.
To make this happen, however, I must enlist the help of you kind, science-minded goons.
My afternoon theories didn't make it very far, as I realized they were stupid and scrapped them before testing. In several cases, abandoning the experiment was certainly the wisest choice, in terms of health risk.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
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