> Turn gun on cameraman and coerce him into joining your pirate/search crew, add CNN's motor to your boat

Suicide Sam E.

> Call him a news company stooge like Bill Murray did to the bond company stooge in The Life Aquatic.


Paper With Lines

> ask the hopefully gay camera man about his hopes and dreams.


> force the cameraman to drink seawater as part of his pirate initiation


> Call the captain on the radio and ask if he's watching CNN.


Toad on a Hat

> Drive over to the big boat and attempt to take it over Somali pirate style

Hitlers Gay Secret

> Reply "Well the shit's about to hit the fan." Then shit onto the boat motor.


> remind the captain that your still filming this all live and everyone watching heard his weird confession



> When large boat arrives, use your quad-engine warboat to ramp off of the CNN boat and do a sick flying corkscrew over it, firing the gun at the bridge while singing take it to the limit


More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.