> Turn gun on cameraman and coerce him into joining your pirate/search crew, add CNN's motor to your boat
Suicide Sam E.
> Call him a news company stooge like Bill Murray did to the bond company stooge in The Life Aquatic.
Paper With Lines
> ask the hopefully gay camera man about his hopes and dreams.
> force the cameraman to drink seawater as part of his pirate initiation
> Call the captain on the radio and ask if he's watching CNN.
Toad on a Hat
> Drive over to the big boat and attempt to take it over Somali pirate style
Hitlers Gay Secret
> Reply "Well the shit's about to hit the fan." Then shit onto the boat motor.
> remind the captain that your still filming this all live and everyone watching heard his weird confession
> When large boat arrives, use your quad-engine warboat to ramp off of the CNN boat and do a sick flying corkscrew over it, firing the gun at the bridge while singing take it to the limit
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
It's just a little confusing, is all.
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