duckfarts
> Turn gun on cameraman and coerce him into joining your pirate/search crew, add CNN's motor to your boat
Suicide Sam E.
> Call him a news company stooge like Bill Murray did to the bond company stooge in The Life Aquatic.
Atma
Paper With Lines
> ask the hopefully gay camera man about his hopes and dreams.
THS
> force the cameraman to drink seawater as part of his pirate initiation
axeil
> Call the captain on the radio and ask if he's watching CNN.
Atma
Toad on a Hat
> Drive over to the big boat and attempt to take it over Somali pirate style
Hitlers Gay Secret
> Reply "Well the shit's about to hit the fan." Then shit onto the boat motor.
NutritiousSnack
> remind the captain that your still filming this all live and everyone watching heard his weird confession
Atma
duckfarts
> When large boat arrives, use your quad-engine warboat to ramp off of the CNN boat and do a sick flying corkscrew over it, firing the gun at the bridge while singing take it to the limit
Atma
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.
Previous Articles
- Confessions of a Pornographer!
- The Strangest Fan Art 11
- Future Timeline!
- Marketing Tie-Ins for '24: Live Another Day'
- Resize A Body Part!
