Remember Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, the plane that mysteriously disappeared a few months ago? Well, I just checked Wikipedia, and apparently it's still missing. "MH370.exe," a Choose Your Own Adventure quest conducted back when this ill-fated aircraft was the talk of the town, probably won't shed much light on its fate, but at this point it can't hurt to explore all theories. Thanks to interactive-game auteur Atma for the illustrations, and to the Goons for the storyline suggestions!

Atma

flavor

> Pee in the ocean.

Ignoarints

> Throw homemade black box into ocean to waste time while the MH370 is being repainted and packed with North Korean high explosives in the middle of nowhere in Australia to be flown into the Yellowstone magma chamber

NecroMonster

> drink seawater, just like drink a lot of fucking seawater

Atma

FartRomancer.EXE

> toss your life jacket into the ocean

Atma

NecroMonster

> drink more sea water, to acclimate yourself to the sea for your future diving operation where you check for the plane

Atma

NecroMonster

> have an epiphany that finding the plane would be a lot easier without all of this sea water in the way, begin drinking sea water in order to remove it, and do not stop

Fat Lowtax

> Make plane noises in an attempt to woo the plane

The Droid

> contact wolf blitzer

Atma

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.