Space Detective can't wait for the next period of art class where Mr Jenkins is going to teach the students the exciting role that genitalia can play in your drawings.


Just the very idea of a "Monster" which is somehow attracted to "Cookies" is simply so dumb I want to slap Sushi Racer in the face for even thinking of a concept so implausible.


The animated version of Marley and Me by ThursdayBySix was deemed a terrible disaster and children all over the country are now scarred for life.


This week's final contribution comes from tooms, who conveyed an incredibly life-like recreation of my local bar around Happy Hour.


Hideous! Revolting! Vomit-inducing! These are just some of the cruel nicknames I had to put up with at school, but creating this article has made me forget about my unfortunate childhood. Thanks as always to my loyal army of robotic drones, our forum goons. I'm going to give you the biggest high-five of your life the next time we catch up together. If you enjoyed reading this article, stop by next Tuesday for another memorable moment in the 'Mine. If you didn't enjoy it, tonight you will die one hundred dishonorable deaths.

– Craig "Russ" Russell

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.