my face is just extremely sensitive to the cold, hence the balaclava. and so what if i prefer to carry my cash money in a burlap sack?
the fact that you're lying face down on the ground just means that you, like anyone with eyes, are prone to spontaneously admiring the janitor's excellent buffer job, and the fact that your hands are behind your back just means that you (considerately) don't want to get it greasy with palm sweat
*crying* i said i'm Rob Burr! my name is Rob Burr! i walk into banks and yell "i'm Rob Burr, this is a Rob-o-ree!" *wheezing* it's "jamboree" but with my name in it! like "Mike-a-palooza"! it's my thing!
i know i said "don't be a hero" to you just now. yes, i admit it was kind of suggestive. what i meant to say was that in life, people are just people, and we don't so easily map to the cinematic archetypes hollywood tries to tell us we should emulate. like, be gentle to yourself, you know? anyway, give me all your fucking money
what do you mean i dont have 20 trillion dollars in my bank account
hey there is no reason to be rude to me, after you give me all your fucking money could you also give me a complaint slip to fill out, this is just really disappointing that a bank teller would act in this way
Hostages? Hahaha, no, they're just hugging!
What's with the gun? He's just demonstrating safety tips, like don't point it at people you don't intend to shoot you don't have to make such a scene about it.
"no fucking phones? everyone drop their fucking phones?" guys, i'm just trying to make a statement about how people get too caught up in social media these days. look at this painting i did of a guy who's on his phone and the people around him are annoyed. see? that's how i feel seeing all of you. and if you could just put them in the unmarked burlap sack here. thank you
excuse me? you're telling me that this actually IS a bank robbery? listen, i don't come to where you work, at the bank, and tell you how to give people money. (sarcastically) oh wait, i guess i do, because this is tooootally a bank robbery. (in-air quotes) "give me all your fucking money" hahahha
hey, stop trying to press that button under your desk. is that the "good customer service" button? i don't think so
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
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The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.