The Uniform Room Coke Ring
There was a guy whose name I can't remember, who handed out the uniforms. He was pretty cool in a gangsta way. I liked him because you could bullshit with him.
Apparently he was selling coke from the uniform window. His customers included some of the management and pretty much the entire banquet department.
When the shit hit the fan, he was fired, and two of the coolest managers. I liked those dudes, but I guess maybe they were cool because they were coked up.
Banquets got away scot-free. No one ever said anything about the bottles of booze hidden in the banquet manager's desks either.
Lost In Translation
We used to have a lot of Bosnians in housekeeping. One of them went into the men's restroom in the lobby to clean it. She yelled to see if anyone was there - no answer. She went in and then ran out. There was a man barely conscious on the floor. Apparently he was speaking an unknown language and had no ID.
About that time a front desk agent came in to work who was Romanian, and another came in who was Polish.
One of the agents thought they recognized some Swedish. She also remembered a group with a bunch of Swedish guys. She called one of the rooms and they came down and recognized the man.
Apparently what happened was they all went out the previous night to get hammered. The one guy picked up a woman and they started talking. Things started getting hot and heavy and need to move to other accommodations.
Apparently she slipped him a mickey and robbed him blind. Somehow he was able to get to the hotel and passed out in the public bathroom - thankfully in possession of his kidneys.
Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones
Yes, our hotel hosted the guests of the Springer and Jones shows. This was during that time when most people figured the guests made shit up but weren't entirely sure.
I will say that Jenny Jones checked up on her guests. Jerry Springer didn't care - as long as the guest was entertainment.
Here is an example.
One time the Jenny Jones crew found out a guest made up their story. They called us to tell us they weren't paying for the room and that they spoke to the guest about it. I was told to keep an eye on it. About an hour later I saw the guy leaving the hotel with his luggage (garbage bags). I ran after him (stupid I know). He was a stereotypical goon - fat, glasses, no neckbeard, but the neckbeard was there in spirit. I'm sure he masturbated to Tub Girl though. I asked him if he was so and so, and he said yes, and he stupidly came with me dragging his garbage bag. We held it until he paid which he did.
On the flip side, Springer had one of his love triangle shows. This one triangle was a girl and her two proto-emo boyfriends who were bisexual. They fought and fought on the show, but upon entering the hotel, they were the bestest friends. I know this one because my wife attended that taping.
About the taping...
Apparently in real life Jerry Springer has an orange face with a regular flesh-colored neck.
He sings to the audience during the breaks.
If the audience doesn't whoop it up enough, they are made to do it again until it's right so that it can be edited in.
The taping took over two hours - mostly because of aforementioned "whoop" takes.
My wife stood out as the only person in the audience wearing a suit
Jerry has groupies in the audience. One woman has a picture of Jerry tattooed on her chest and attends every show. Fascinating woman I'm sure.
Anyway on to the Springer guest stories! I don't have any Jenny Jones stories interestingly enough, then again I'm sure that's why she's forgotten now.
The singer dove off the stage and crowd surfed in a sort of reverse funeral procession where the person being carried is the only one truly alive. Touching him I felt religious ecstasy and started speaking in tongues and requesting songs that didn't exist.
There's no easy way to put this, so I'll tell it like it is. Bouillon is died. He went missing before the weekend and yesterday I found his skeletonized remains at the bottom of the #3 soup vat during one of my swims. I thought the cream of mushroom soup had an especially nourishing taste, and a lot more clumps of fur and skin than usual.
Experience several minutes of top-tier modern game design for FREE.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.