That does it for part one of this look at the sexy world of online dating via games provided by multinational corporations. Regular Goldmine readers can look forward to us revisiting the same territory another time in the near future, as there's certainly a whole lot more horny teenagers to confuse and bamboozle. Thanks to all the SA forum goons for helping out with the screencaps for this article, I love you all in a way that couldn't possibly be published on a family site such as Something Awful. Join me again next Tuesday when I'll have another arousing article to tickle your fancy.

– Craig "Russ" Russell

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Freakypizza: The Sweater Curse

    Freakypizza: The Sweater Curse

    Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.

  • Spout.ly Drinking Fountain Enthusiast Lingo

    Spout.ly Drinking Fountain Enthusiast Lingo

    Can't tell a drinking fountain from a urinal? We've got you covered. Brush up on your drinking fountain enthusiast -- or sipper -- vocabulary and learn to talk and swap sips with the best of them.

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.