That does it for part one of this look at the sexy world of online dating via games provided by multinational corporations. Regular Goldmine readers can look forward to us revisiting the same territory another time in the near future, as there's certainly a whole lot more horny teenagers to confuse and bamboozle. Thanks to all the SA forum goons for helping out with the screencaps for this article, I love you all in a way that couldn't possibly be published on a family site such as Something Awful. Join me again next Tuesday when I'll have another arousing article to tickle your fancy.

– Craig "Russ" Russell

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.