Playing pranks on your colleagues at work is an old tradition in the office, just like sexually harassing receptionists. Amazingly, some of our Forum Goons have managed to find employment, and have some stories of unbelievable cruelty which we can all enjoy. Sometimes the story teller is the victim, sometimes they're the guy playing the prank, and at other times people are making up stories to get featured on the front page of Something Awful. I sure wouldn't like to work alongside the people featured in the following true tales, and not just because of their crippling emotional problems and unacceptable levels of hygiene!
At an old job there was a particular co-worker who I just couldn't tolerate. Being a kind of superior I couldn't really be direct in my vocalizing my displeasure so I just fucked with him from the background.
Of all the things I did the best was the ham-phone. He would always leave his cellphone on his desk. One day while he was out of his office I went in, took the battery out of his phone and laid a thin slice of ham in there and then replaced the battery. Phone worked fine, after a day or two you could smell the rancid odor of rotting meat coming from his office. I think it was in there for almost an entire week before his massive brain figured out that it was his phone.
Terribly juvenile but certainly entertaining.
The Gamestop where I work has a rival store a block away from us and we constantly pull pranks on each other. One time we had a customer call saying they couldn't find our store and that we needed to meet them on the street and escort them to our store. since they sounded elderly and frightened I offered to help, unfortunately when I arrived at the meeting stop there was nobody there. when I got back to the store they called again and the situation repeated itself. After three more failed meetings they revealed to me that they were at the rival store and I received the most gullible employee award. I didn't pull this prank but I certainly won't forget it.
I like to take a small piece of paper about the size of a gum wrapper and tape it to the bottom of people's optical mice.
Computer Services however, does not find this as amusing as I do.
I worked at a restaurant for a bit and was asked to go to the basement to get stuff (oh, the door is in the freezer), asked to get imaginary drinks, and other stuff.
Another girl that I started with was told to go to Taco John's to get more tortillas.
The other people explained to her that we had a deal with the Taco John's down the road: soft shell tortillas in exchange for lots of napkins. The girl grabbed a big package of napkins and took off. Apparently she walked up to the counter, plopped down the napkins and asked for her tortillas. She wound up arguing with the cashier for about twenty minutes before the light went on and she left.
I set my co-workers computer to play a Spice Girls song (in entirety) every time he browsed the internet (replacing the 'click' sound when you click on a link or the back button or whatever in IE). There were two great parts to the prank. The first was that the audio file was so large that it took a long time to load, so he never put it together with browsing. The second part was a surprise even to me, because I didn't know our computers worked this way, but apparently one of our software programs had some sort of feature that accessed internet data, so even just sitting there doing nothing the computer would start playing the Spice Girls every 3 minutes or so.
He was convinced he had gotten some computer virus. I finally had to come clean when I heard him get on the phone to IT.
I tried this one once.
Take a screenshot of the victim's desktop, then set that picture as their background. Then uncheck "show desktop icons" under "arrange icons by."
Effect: Them hopelessly clicking on an icon trying to open the folder/file with nothing happening.
I have raised over $300 participating in quilting bees for the American Quilting Bee Society so I think I deserve at least seven minutes of your time.
Ernest Cline, writer of Ready Player One, shares his newest poem.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.