My grandma would give me big jars of pennies every year. And she would make me sit there and count them while she watched me. It's the most boring and time-consuming way to give someone what would never end up being more than $5.
5 dollars in quarters from my grandma. Mailed to me.
The cost of mailing them was stamped on the envelope: $4.50 because she had sent it Priority Mail. She lived 5 minutes away.
Anyone who has never gotten a birthday card with some really random amount of money in it (preferably in check form) from their grandma has never truly lived. Nothing like a card with a cat on it and a check for $9.82.
Seriously, what is it with grandmas and strange amounts in checks? When I turned 14 I got a check for $117.63 from my grandma. I was stoked but my dad thought she gave me a check for everything she had. My dad called her and it turned out she used some crazy mathematical equation based on my age and the average money parents spend on kids for their birthday.
I had two grandmothers sho were from two economic classes. That was cool, I understood it as a young child. But poor grandma would insist on going head to head with middle class grandma, literally finding out her Christmas list and trying to mimic it. So I would get a VHS copy of Disneys Beauty and the Beast from one grandmother, and a copy of a poorly animated, mostly stills and translated from Russian copy of Beast and Belle.
The worst was the year my little sister wanted a then new American Girl Bitty Baby. An expensive doll, wrapped with accessories and outfits. My other grandmother bought a random baby doll. She didn't even bother wrapping it, just sort of stuffed it under a throw pillow and was upset when my sister didn't find it right away in the room full of presents. When my grandmother pulled it out, it was the most misshapen doll I have ever seen. It's face was misformed, it's head jerked to one side. The body had an exaggerated waist like some sort of bean. Worse, the legs jutted out at right angles from body, it's knees bent downward towards its butt. The final form reminded me of the shape of some viruses.
We named it "Rickets" and eventually donated it to an after-school program. I helped out there and years later would still see kids playing with Rickets, so...
Well looks like my faggot Grandma is the real Grinch this year for giving me wool socks instead of Pixel Guy Jumps on Blocks and Shit for Nintendoe Console.
My grandma bought a board game and divided the pieces among her grandkids. There were 8 of us. We each got a few pieces and cards. My cousin Randall got the board itself. It wasn't that she wanted us all to cooperate and share, it was that she was too cheap to actually buy us individual gifts...
Sensual Ozma Lover
Dream Christmas: Cool version of my grandpa, wearing a Green day shirt slides into the room doing a nice skateboard trick, flips it into a 360 and while spinning dishes out Best Buy gift cards to everyone in the room
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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