I got 6 jars of peanut butter and a 2012 Cat calendar. My family is weird.
the world's ugliest clock
My grandma used to buy me really trashy clothes too, at quite a young age (8 or 9?). Horrible tops made of nylon, like this sort of thing:
I was not mature looking for my age and before the age of 13 I pretty much looked like a sack of potatoes. My mum took all the gifts like that and got rid of them. She also disposed of a book my grandma bought for me called Girls Under Pressure, where the main character gets an eating disorder. The book is supposed to put you off getting one, but I read it a couple of months later and tried out some of the techniques (starving, puking) and lost a bunch of weight just like the character in the book. And that's how I stopped looking like a sack of potatoes. Thanks grandma!
The Joe Man
The entirety of my holiday gifts:
15+ years of this shit.
Gentlemen, the KING of shitty gifts was, is, and always will be this:
The licensed bath set.
Found in every CVS, Walgreens, and super market this is the ultimate in shitty, last-minute gifts. It has a popular character on it so That Uncle will think you'll like it, and since they're toiletries he can justify his procrastination with them being practical. The only gift worse is when you got older and you'd receive the same set, but with a brand you never heard of.
Buzz Lightyear sippy cup!
Finally: an advice column for the rest of us! (Who seek to enslave humanity.)
Even the most fervent gun control advocate would admit that guns kill people, not other guns. We must become the guns we wish to see in the world.
A Goon outs himself as a wizard and gets a warm reception from the rogues/rangers/paladins gallery!
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