I got 6 jars of peanut butter and a 2012 Cat calendar. My family is weird.
the world's ugliest clock
My grandma used to buy me really trashy clothes too, at quite a young age (8 or 9?). Horrible tops made of nylon, like this sort of thing:
I was not mature looking for my age and before the age of 13 I pretty much looked like a sack of potatoes. My mum took all the gifts like that and got rid of them. She also disposed of a book my grandma bought for me called Girls Under Pressure, where the main character gets an eating disorder. The book is supposed to put you off getting one, but I read it a couple of months later and tried out some of the techniques (starving, puking) and lost a bunch of weight just like the character in the book. And that's how I stopped looking like a sack of potatoes. Thanks grandma!
The Joe Man
The entirety of my holiday gifts:
15+ years of this shit.
Gentlemen, the KING of shitty gifts was, is, and always will be this:
The licensed bath set.
Found in every CVS, Walgreens, and super market this is the ultimate in shitty, last-minute gifts. It has a popular character on it so That Uncle will think you'll like it, and since they're toiletries he can justify his procrastination with them being practical. The only gift worse is when you got older and you'd receive the same set, but with a brand you never heard of.
Buzz Lightyear sippy cup!
The singer dove off the stage and crowd surfed in a sort of reverse funeral procession where the person being carried is the only one truly alive. Touching him I felt religious ecstasy and started speaking in tongues and requesting songs that didn't exist.
There's no easy way to put this, so I'll tell it like it is. Bouillon is died. He went missing before the weekend and yesterday I found his skeletonized remains at the bottom of the #3 soup vat during one of my swims. I thought the cream of mushroom soup had an especially nourishing taste, and a lot more clumps of fur and skin than usual.
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