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Operation Clambake

Tuesday, November 6, 2001 Update by Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons

Operation Clambake, submitted by Zack. Who are these guys kidding? They call their site "The Fight Against the Church of Scientology on the Net". Why would you want to fight these loving and caring nurturers at the Church of Scientology? I'll tell you why, because you're a wrong and evil person. The people who run this site are obviously in league with the Thetans and they want to take over the earth with their crystal lasers that shoot crystals made out of lasers. Their evil science cannot be comprehended with 100% of your brain.

The Church of Scientology is a vicious and dangerous cult that masquerades as a religion. Its purpose is to make money. It practices a variety of mind-control techniques on people lured into its midst to gain control over their money and their lives. Its aim is to take from them every penny that they have and can ever borrow and to also enslave them to further its wicked ends.

It was started in the 1950s by a science fiction writer named L. Ron Hubbard in fulfilment to his declared aim to start a religion to make money. It is an offshoot to a method of psychotherapy he concocted from various sources which he named "Dianetics". Dianetics is a form of regression therapy. It was then further expanded to appear more like a religion in order to enjoy tax benefits. He called it "Scientology".

Scientology is a confused concoction of crackpot, dangerously applied psychotherapy, oversimplified, idiotic and inapplicable rules and ideas and science-fiction drivel that is presented to its members (at the "advanced" levels) as profound spiritual truth.

Ohhhhh sure buddy, like I believe that for a second! The vicious lies Operation Clambake spews out are enough to make me turn to page 406 of Battlefield Earth and reread the speech made by Jabulon at the volcano base just to calm my nerves. How could anyone be so wrong about the glorious and wonderful Church of Scientology. Just yesterday I sent them all my money and five human babies and they gave me a headband to wear that has a crystal in it that protects me from the Thetans. When I reach level 5 I get the power up and I can transform into Goma-Zack, which is like normal Zack only twice as tall and I can throw lightning balls. Bring it on Operation Clambake, my lightning ball has your name all the fuck over it.

- Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons