Sharper FX Inc.
Sharper FX Inc. (thanks Pantsfish) - Everyone knows that the best way to get lots of people to read your site is with a cool flash movie every time they try to visit it. It's even better if the flash movie starts playing really loud music and is unskippable.
Sharper FX Inc. specializes in helping sites with this problem. They are very selective in their customers though. They only accept really really rad churches who want to give mad props to the Lord.
Ah screw it, just watch these site intros:
The most x-treme church in the world, for super x-treme dudes only: New Birth Missionary Baptist Church
This one was already an ALOD, I think, but if you don't have time to watch the hippest, hottest, Bible-based mime group in the world for a second time, then you are just a big nerd: KK Mime
And this man just really really wants to seduce you in the name of the Lord: VTC Ministries
I guess if you're still an atheist after all that, then nothing can help you.