Wholesome Wear
As a corollary to the twice-featured Armor of God PJs, I present WholesomeWear, the aquatic division of the Ghastly Christian Apparel monolith. WholesomeWear offers three swimsuit models, all of which combine Spandex skin with a cumbersome polyester exoskeleton. These designs allegedly "draw the eye to the face," but they're more likely to attract full-body attention, as spectators blurt "look at that crazy woman/poor girl wearing a dress in the pool." WholesomeWear claims the outer layer adds modesty (certainly) and style (no), neglecting to mention the cardiovascular benefits inherent in attempting strenuous exercise while swathed in sopping-wet fabric.

This Week on Something Awful...
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The Top Ten Albums of 2009...
Garbage Day
...in the soon-to-be-published opinions of other critics, most of whom are wrong.
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Improper Ganda!
Photoshop Phriday
Propaganda! Don't believe what you see, don't believe what you read.
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LEVI SAYS RELAX
Johnston Checks In
Levi Johnston responds to more of Sarah Palin's attacks as his alter ego, Ricky Hollywood.
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Burrito!! Doritos!! Fiesta!! Antipasto!!
AwfulVision
This week: a video so bad, not even Glenn Danzig can save it. Abandon all hope, ye who enter.

Something Awful has been mocking itself and the internet since 1999, bringing you reviews of the worst movies, video games, and websites to ever exist. If it's something and it's awful, it's probably on Something Awful, where the internet makes you stupid.