The Meatship Sets Sail
[INT - Jerry's Apartment - Day]
[Jerry is looking through his cupboard]
Jerry: Meat meat meat. What is the attraction to meat all of a sudden? I mean sure it has an abundance of protein, but think about it. It's the flesh of other living things. What's next? Eating little animals' souls? It's ghoulish.
[Kramer bursts through the door]
Jerry: Hey.
[Kramer seems disoriented and his skin is glistening with grease. He stumbles over to the couch]
Jerry: What's wrong with you?
Kramer: Yeah, yeah...meat. Yatata...meat...
Jerry: Meat, again?!
Kramer: Newman, meat. Jerry. Newman, meat, Jerry. Yeahh...
Jerry: Oh that's it. I'm going right over there and I'm gonna put a stop to this, this meat...CULT!!
Kramer: Jerry...bacon...
[INT - Newman's Apartment - Day]
[Newman is crouched before an altar over which he has draped strips of bacon and skirt steaks]
Newman: Him?! You want me to convert him? But he's...my enemy?
Newman: [sighing] All right, fine. But you owe me big for this Ponderosa.
[A knock at Newman's door. He opens it and Jerry enters]
Jerry: All right, Newman! I've had enough of this! What did you do to George and Kramer?!
Newman: Nothing...they've...simply come around to a novel new way of thinking. A way to orient oneself in the world, Jerry.
Jerry: Well it stinks! [Noticing the altar] Oh my god.
Newman: What is the use of staying like you are, Jerry?
[Newman's mouth opens and raw hamburger meat projectiles out all over Jerry]
Newman: He came to us on a ship of meat, Jerry.
Jerry: NEWWWWWMANNNNN!!!!
[INT - Elaine's Apartment - Night]
[Elaine is sleeping. Cut to dream sequence of Elaine giving birth with Jerry, the father, looking on.
Doctor: Push! Push!
[Elaine struggles to give birth. The baby comes out but the doctor looks horrified]
Elaine: What? What? Is something wrong with my baby?
Jerry: No Elaine. The child is perfect. It will be our cabin boy [voice distorts into deep inhuman tone] on the ship.
[Elaine looks down. She sees that her baby is a large meatloaf]
[Elaine wakes up screaming. She hears a knock at the door. Hesitantly she goes to it, looks out the peephole, and opens the door]
[Jerry George and Kramer enter. They are all covered in grease and sauce]
Jerry: Elaine, we have come with a gift. We want you to join us, the one, the many.
Kramer: Bacon.
Elaine: We? [voice trembling] Jerry, what are you talking about?
Jerry: Join us, Elaine. Join us on the [voice distortion] ship of meat.
[We see that Jerry has developed acne]
Jerry: [Frazzled] I don't see what's so strange about meat. Cows eat the plants, then we eat the cows. So when you eat a cow, you're really getting a full nutritious meal. Don't you agree?
Elaine: [starting to back up] Well uh...not if you don't eat the entire thing.
Jerry: We do. Come, let us show you.
George: The wonders! Oh ho!
[Strange tentacles emerge from underneath their clothes]
Elaine: Are those...omelettes?
[Kramer, Jerry and George's meat tentacles grab Elaine.]
[Ext - Meatship deck, afternoon]
