A Safety Message From Your USPS Letter Carrier Part 2
Wow, I wasn't expecting anyone to write in with jibes, but a lot of you did. I wasn't able to use everyone's submissions, but I read them all, and have begun studying them to gain futher insight next time I need to pull a PAGE OF SHAME out to try and coerce the goons into putting some pride into their work. My thanks go out to the following people:
Phillip J Fry, Phillip M. Hooper, RuzelRizere, DesertPaladin, Lewis, Justus Perry, Cheli, Jake Davenport, Danny Atkinson, Zaphod Beeblebrox, Ryan Lebek, Alton J. Higgins, Gryph82384, Jordan R. Jay, Vater Krieg, Ian Davis, Joe Kaiser, Eric, Paladin _, Robert Memory, Kevin Stuart, Stacey Renfrow, J T, Brady, HiveKnight522, Sniper Chance, Ryan Wareham, tester letters, spetifore, Liz Nast, and GEL.
Now, here's our shame.
Where the HELL did he come up with that background? I felt that my eyes were going to throw up when i looked at it, it was just so horrible. Not only is it a really shitty mix of old people sitting around drinking tea, young people having fun and a man exposing himself to them all, but the blurry lines around everything only add to the calamity of this picture. I would pass this along to the military to use for torturing their prisoners of war, but not even they deserve to see this.
You call this a Page of Shame?! Back in my day, we didn't have no fancy photoshops to make our pictures look pretty for us. The future looks rosy to me, if this so-called Page of Shame is any indicator. In the past, we would have thrown rocks at Insider Trading or burned him at the stake for being possessed by retard demons, but now we give him a special place to post his self-portrait on the internet. He made that using special suck-and-blow stylus technology created just for Christopher Reeve. Who are we to question the talent and humor of someone who was born without most of his brain?
Fatgut obviously put a lot of time into this. Why, I'd wager he kept on working on it for 30 seconds past the end of the commercial break. It looks like our PGA tour pro-golfer would rather be winning thousands of dollars than having sex with his fat wife. There are two major problems with this statement. First, it would probably be a considerable help to have a picture of the fat wife. Second, who wouldn't want to win thousands of dollars for playing a game instead of having sex. When something makes complete sense, it isn't funny. Fatgut's execution wasn't much better. He clearly just drew in by a hand a warped golf club and and the cap for a salt shaker. In lieu of putting the warped club in the golfer's hand, he decided that the golfer's personal style was to lean the club against his wrist and stare at the ground in deep concentration. He also attempted to add the illusion of grass meeting water, but could not even muster enough manual dexterity to color within the lines. If I didn't know any better, I'd guess that Fatgut just assigned the task of editing this picture to a group of kindergarteners.
McMurphy's "ROCKETPACK" design, though still in it's early stages of MS Paint development, is truly custom designed for only the most daring men. While a normal rocket pack has multiple settings to careful control levels of ascent and descent, McMurphy's ROCKETPACK has a single button for on and off. This means that all landings are synonymous with free-falls. To add to the danger associated with McMurphy's "ROCKETPACK", there is no system of keeping the flames away from the body of it's user. In fact, part of its design is to fan the flames outwards so as to completely burn off the legs of its users. Now as we can clearly see, the the McMurphy "ROCKETPACK" brand rocket pack is only for use with USPS workers because there is no other reason to put their logo at the top of his image. Truly, McMurphy is looking to the future of practical rocket pack use in our society. Or perhaps he's just a completely insane asshole who wants to kill all of the people who laughed at his horrible attempt at image editing.