An Internet Comedy Writer Says Goodbye
My life has obviously changed a lot since my first year of college. For one thing, I finally went through puberty which was definitely a long time coming. But beyond the changes I discovered in my body around junior year, I went through all the usual massive amounts of transformation that you tend to go through when you're around that age. In my three years writing for the site, I have lived in 8 different apartments and houses, learned two languages, moved in with someone, moved out with someone, broken up with someone, gotten back together and then broken up again with someone over and over, and learned how to cook a really great pizza.
The recipe for great pizza sauce is as follows: 1 can tomato paste, 1 empty can of tomato paste full of water, a little red wine. The following to taste; oregano, basil, pressed garlic or garlic powder, and black pepper or red chili flakes. Enjoy!
Through all those changes, a few things have remained constant and one is that every two weeks I would suddenly think "OH SHIT" and then spend five hours in a panic writing jokes before collapsing into a deep sleep. It was rarely fun, even when I was proud of the result. But it was just what I did for three years and I'm going to miss it. Punchline to cut tension of all the sincerity goes here.
This article has become quite long, so I'm going to end it now. I hope to continue occasionally writing Daily Dirts if they don't remove my access to the big ol' SomethingAwful uploading system, so this probably won't be the last word from me. But it'll be the last word for which I am being paid, and that's the main thing.
If you have any questions or comments or insults, please email them to firstname.lastname@example.org or write them on various message boards you belong to or type them into a youtube comment box and click the audio preview button.
A writer is only ever as good as his readers. Thanks guys. I think we did pretty well.
Finally, a list of my favorite articles that I haven't already linked to:
- The Bargain Book Bin: An Open Letter to Twilight's Stephanie Meyer
- Misha: A Memoir about Hanging Out with Wolves During the Holocaust
- Hey look. It's Dragon Mountain. Let's climb it.
- God's Word: The First Draft
- The Bargain Book Bin: Here Are Some Gay Books
- An Unofficial Campaign Video: "Barack Obama: A Tribute to Hope"
- An Unofficial Victory Video: "Barack Obama: The Triumph of the Hope"
- The Bargain Book Bin: A Dictionary of Common Sci-Fi Metaphors
- A SomethingAwful Guide to Having an Awesome Break-Up
- Special Advertising Section: AdventureQuest
- The Google Diaries
- The Bargain Book Bin: From the Desk of Brian Jacques
- I Went to Cambodia and Took Some Pictures
- I Went to Cambodia and Took Some More Pictures
- The Dog Treats Taste-athon Part 1
- The Dog Treats Taste-athon Part 2
- The Bargain Book Bin: Dragons of Autumn Twilight
- Jacqueline Mackie Paisley Passey: High Quality Woman
- An Official Statement from the Desk of Senator Blackridge
- The Complete and True Confessions of Senator Henderson