My life has obviously changed a lot since my first year of college. For one thing, I finally went through puberty which was definitely a long time coming. But beyond the changes I discovered in my body around junior year, I went through all the usual massive amounts of transformation that you tend to go through when you're around that age. In my three years writing for the site, I have lived in 8 different apartments and houses, learned two languages, moved in with someone, moved out with someone, broken up with someone, gotten back together and then broken up again with someone over and over, and learned how to cook a really great pizza.
The recipe for great pizza sauce is as follows: 1 can tomato paste, 1 empty can of tomato paste full of water, a little red wine. The following to taste; oregano, basil, pressed garlic or garlic powder, and black pepper or red chili flakes. Enjoy!
Through all those changes, a few things have remained constant and one is that every two weeks I would suddenly think "OH SHIT" and then spend five hours in a panic writing jokes before collapsing into a deep sleep. It was rarely fun, even when I was proud of the result. But it was just what I did for three years and I'm going to miss it. Punchline to cut tension of all the sincerity goes here.
This article has become quite long, so I'm going to end it now. I hope to continue occasionally writing Daily Dirts if they don't remove my access to the big ol' SomethingAwful uploading system, so this probably won't be the last word from me. But it'll be the last word for which I am being paid, and that's the main thing.
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A writer is only ever as good as his readers. Thanks guys. I think we did pretty well.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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