Flames from Review of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
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Lowtax once said
some very insightful words in his August 29th, 2000 front page update, which is surprising because his words are often confusing and scary to small children and the elderly.
Are people's lives so vacant that they feel the need to religiously attach themselves to a certain console, one which hasn't even been released yet? Is a video game system important enough to get this worked up over? What does Nintendo, 3DFX, or id Software do for you? Do they give your life purpose and a meaning? Do they pay your bills? Do they show you an undying love? No, they manufacture products, products which you spend your money on. We are consumers, not whores for giant companies. Believe it or not, there are more important things in life than video games, and people who get this bent out of shape over a console obviously lead very empty lives.
This still very much holds true today as I will demonstrate in these responses to the Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas review.
Amount of Flames Recieved: 116
Let's begin this trainwreck, shall we? As is the case with previous instalments of Truth Media flame mails I have included what I imagine the people who have written these flame mails look like. It's "humorous" you see.
From: "Brian Phillip Dudman"
Subject: Your GTA:SA Review is Just total B.S.
For one thing, the guy's name is not Carl Jordan, its Carl Jackson. And it wasn't even his father who got 'killed', it was his Nanny that got 'kidnapped'. Geez get your facts straight when you review a game. And to say the story is crap is just absured. This story is the most amazing story since that 'Star Trek Enterprise' episode where Captain Archer was kidnapped and the he escaped, fantastic stuff! And the driving engine is absoluty amazing, why even get Gran Turismo 4 when you have this game, I think its that good. Thats another thing your review slipped on. Hell I'm not even going to go any further with this, pretty much every part of your review was garbage, how can you even sleep at night? Frankly I am discusted at this review, Nuff said!
Unfortunately the first few flame mails were jokes. While we want real flame mails, not fake ones from people who think they are King of Comedyland, we just might have a possible future Truth Media reviewer here. Just keep working on that B.A. in Bullshitting and you'll have yourself a job writing for Something Awful or being president of the Fox network in no time.
However we soon got a flood of San Andreas flame mail. Things were looking up, or down, depending on how you look at it.
From: "Muro Hasigawa"
Subject: GTA: San Andreas
Im writing because i found the posted review of GTA: San Andreas to be quite useless, especially when touching base on areas such as the PS2 over heating, loading times, and textures/ framerate problems. id like to make it know that i have the game, am an avid gamer, and try to look at every game in a non objective manner. with that said, i found NONE of the problems stated while playing the game. i own one of the new, smaller PS2's and i have never had any problems concerning overheating, nor have i experianced problems with the CD drive needed to catch-up with the system. now, i think that keeping the new PS2s in a vertical position SHOULD improve cooling as it enables more heat radiation than distrobution through solid surfaces. it could also be that the reviewer had a fluke PS2, as mine has yet to do anything at all which i would deem unsatisfactory. moving on, i found that loading times were very fast, especially when compared to those from GTA3 and GTA: Vice City. my final comment is that i had only 1 problem with GTA:SA which paled in comparison to the flaws in the area of texturing and modelling in previous GTA titles. on one occasion, while flying a plane, a tree did was not drawn in by the console, and as you can imagine, caused me to crash and loose the vehicle. this seems like a major problem, i know. but when you consider the fact that that is the only problem i've encountered in that area, it more than counter balances the fact that in the other games, buildings would fail to render often, and even sections of the ground would fail to appear.
look. im not trying to be an ass, im not trying to nitpick your article. i just think that it was unfair, and in many areas objective. i applaud rockstar in going to a new area with the main focus of the story revolving around the black community. im not saying that it should stay that way, but it is better for a gaming company to have some variation in such a major part of what makes game fun. at least this way those people that want that can have what they are looking for, while those of us who prefer Tommy Varcetti can always have a blast on GTA:VC. the only thing i feel you misjudged in the latest installment of the rockstar hit is replay value, as none of the games really had much of a replay value to begin with. anyhow, if youve read all of this, thank you, becuase it means your either going to write a cynical response, or you really care about your readers opinions. either way, im happy. but again, thanks for your time.
p.s. you loose alot of credibility when you dont even get the main characters name right.
Well you are certainly welcome Muro. I did in fact read the whole thing. However, I feel I must correct you on some of the points you made in your email. Everybody knows that placing your PlayStation 2 in a vertical position causes it to scratch the disc. What you want to do is place the PlayStation up-side-down so that the laser can fall down onto the disc, instead of having to be pushed up to the disc. Let gravity do the work for you Muro. This is what smart people do. As a smart person I feel it is my duty to educate the less fortunate. I know you weren't trying to be an ass, Muro. But the bottom line is that you were. We here at Truth Media work pretty damn hard doing what we do and feel that we do it better than anyone else. Thanks for writing in, Muro.
Our next fan had some strong words to say about my agenda against Rockstar.
From: "a c"
Subject: your GTA:SA review
Your review of this game is majorly flawed to the point where your own personal agenda against Rockstar is blatantly obvious. Describing a screenshot of the character dressed (as YOU had him dressed sorry) as "gay" is not only stupid but offensive.
Ive had the game for almost a week now and am yet to experience having to wait "2-3 minutes" loading time to enter a building. That is a straight up lie. The most you'll wait for any time apart from the games initial load up prior to playing is (at a maximum) 5 seconds. Hardly a price to pay considering there is no load time between travel of this gigantic map. You know this is true but your lack of professional journalism skills prevented you from admitting it.
The stories about your malfunctioning PS2 reek of bullshit and your claim to have completed the game in 20 hours is just plain crap. The fact that you can give this game a 1 for replay value doesnt tell us anything about the game itself., rather the ignorance of the reviewer in failing to acknowledge the huge amounts hidden and extra features this game has to offer. After your so called 20 hour campaign of judgemental bias, what percentage of the game had you completed? 25-30% Now tell me about replay value??? Or did it all seem a little too daunting for you?
In the end what you write means nothing anyways because the game buying public and CREDIBLE and INFLUENCIAL game reviewers seem to disagree with you, as do I. Nonetheless, enjoy your 8-10 hours expected gamespan of Halo 2.
Listen a c, I'll spare the A.C. Slater jokes that you are probably already used to in middle school. The bottom line is that Rockstar games is a shady company that engages in evil business practices that ruin the industry. I have exclusive tapes of Rockstar executives stealing candy from children. I have video of Rockstar producers pouring sardine oil into the sewers. I have an agenda? What about Rockstar's agenda of making games people enjoy playing? Look, I'm all for video games, but it gets to a point where these games are just getting to long to play. Rockstar is introducing a generation of children to obesity and scurvey. I don't know any children, much less children who go outside. I once saw a kid that was 500 pounds on Jenny Jones. That kid probably played Grand Theft Auto. I'm pretty sure the other paragraphs in your email had important things in them but this is big business A.C. Slater and I have a date with a Swedish whore.
On the next page there is an email that probably has something to do with my San Andreas review as well.
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