The Weekend Web

Internet Movie Database and Talk Sex

Saturday, February 28, 2004 by Zachary "Spokker Jones" Gutierrez

My first internet experience was in 1995 with America Online. Upon my initial log-in to the service I was met with a plethora of OMG SUPER DEALS and INCREDIBLE OFFERS. As a young teenager I could already tell this was going to be a load of bullshit. It was a grand time for the internet, bandwidth grew on trees, web pages were relatively ad free, it was rare to come across the kinds of morons we have seen on Weekend Web, and AOL was on the cutting edge of ruining it. I wondered why my parents were paying top dollar for shitty internet service. Oh, that's right, I asked them. You see, all my friends were going online at the time. They jumped off the cliff so I did the same.

I didn't really want to though. Before AOL my online world consisted of a BBS called "H2H", which was later renamed to "The Killing Grounds" before the creepy old guy who ran it got kicked out of his friend's parent's auto body shop. H2H was a multi-line gaming BBS that allowed users to play multiplayer games like Doom II, WarCraft II, and Duke Nukem 3D. I have a myriad of memories from playing epic WarCraft II matches clear into the morning on summer nights, to frantic deathmatches in Duke 3D on L.A. Rumble. No gaming experience I have ever had, or ever will have, will be able to compare to the sheer amounts of fun I have had on H2H. The games were lag, moron, and trouble free. Everything ran as it should. I can say none of these things about the internet gaming of today.

Sadly, a quarrel with the owner of the auto body shop that the equipment was house in closed the BBS forever. It was the end of an era for me, one I will never forget.

The Internet Movie Database

The Internet Movie Database is similiar to GameFAQs in that it provides an invaluable service to fans of cinema despite a community overflowing with morons. You'll never see me criticize the functionality of the site as a whole, but you've got to admit, some of these people on the forums are out of their damn minds.

A continuity error in a major motion picture, a parody film at that? Well I never!

I'm not sure but I think that could be something you would know by paying attention to the movie. I know the film was hard to understand but you could have at least put some effort into it. I'll take the liberty of explaining the complex theme of the movie to you. The snakes eat the people.

I saw this image and I went *hehehehe*.

By the time she's 27 nobody will care about her anyway. In the meantime keep on not wearing a bra.

"jmagnolia! Come down for dinner sweetie!"
"Just a sec, ma. I need to finish off this awesome internet flame."
"What did I tell you about that internet young man? Don't make me come up there!"

Scary Movie 2 is the pinnacle of the american comedy that's for sure. I'm sure I could remember one joke from that movie if I sat on the toilet for a while. I might be reminded of something.