Step 2: This time, don't use flash from a foot away.
To enter this HUGE VERY IMPORTANT contest, just send something funny to email@example.com and I'll take a look at it. The one that seems the most funny will go in my next Daily Dirt.
Whatever you send can't be any longer than 3 medium sized paragraphs or 4-5 small paragraphs. If it's too long I probably won't bother reading it.
Include whatever name you want to be credited under if you win. If there is no name on the winning entry I'll just stick it into my next update and claim I wrote it.
You can include a picture that's supposed to go with it as long as it's not so big that I'd have to resize it and that it's not gross and also any other rules I decide to apply.
If no one sends anything funny, I'll either put up the worse ones and make fun of them, or more likely just ignore the entire thing.
This line is for administrative use only. Please do not write on this line.
That's it, ok?
Obviously, the first thing necessary to getting back in shape is buying a bunch of expensive knick-knacks.
Finally, a look at the candidate's long-delayed tax returns.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!