...other than that the next time Reid "Frolixo" Paskiewicz mocks me in his daily dirt he can expect some big trouble. As evidenced by this very update I've had a bad week, what with the gay dogs and all, and the last thing I need is some redheaded e-bully making fun of me on the Internet!
On a side note, I'm moving and need cash. I'm selling a lot of ultra-rare MTG cards to cover expenses and have some money to live on over the summer. I also have a couple XBox 360s my uncle got dirt cheap -- they come with hard drives and all that crap and I'm selling them for $325 apiece (they also come with two wireless controllers and a sealed copy of Perfect Dark Zero). For more info, email me here if you're interested. Serious offers only please!
With "Existo" out of the way I'm looking forward to some good old-fashioned horror. I'll either be looking at "American Vampire" or "Quiltface" first, depending on how Netflix treats me. After that it's some horrible movie about white gangstas Lowtax is forcing me to do (slavedriver that he is). I'm always up for suggestions so keep them coming!
We're having problems with our ALOD thingy, so if any of you have a site you'd like me to make fun of, send me your ideas. I try to respond to all emails but I'm assuming I'll get a lot of ALOD submissions, so don't sit by the computer for days waiting on a response from an Internet celebrity. I know you want something to print out and paste on your wall but you can always revert back to those zany Photoshop pictures you made of your friend's head on Pamela Anderson's body.
Thanks to everyone who takes the time to write in! I hope finals have treated everyone well, and I will see you all in two weeks!
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!