Today I wanted to make a lot of puns and be mean to my favorite writers. Did I succeed? YOU BE THE JUDGE! Also I didn't realize how StateOg-ish it was going to sound until I was about halfway through, and I forgot that CTS does StateOg on Saturdays. I tried to avoid making it sound too similar but I'm a huge hack so please send me hate mail.
I'd like to point something out
I used the word "faggot" several times in today's update. I hope you were impressed with my command of the English language. Scott Peterson also made an appearance today! That's called topical humor and if you don't know what you're doing, it can make your writing look dated the moment it's published. What does a 12 year old boy have in common with Michael Jackson's cumberbund? They both have "Michael Jackson's cum" in them. Fuck you I'm done.
RIP Julie Self
RIP Sarah Laws
Everyone else: Drive safe
Trying to change history is a terrible mistake. Tearing down all of America's Hitler statues has left us confused about our nation's proud past.
Ask any cowboy and they'll tell you: The deadliest snake in the wild west is Lava-Filled Hole Shaped Exactly Like A Cowboy Silhouette
Ben Garrison's Cartoons are finally explained!
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!