Today I wanted to make a lot of puns and be mean to my favorite writers. Did I succeed? YOU BE THE JUDGE! Also I didn't realize how StateOg-ish it was going to sound until I was about halfway through, and I forgot that CTS does StateOg on Saturdays. I tried to avoid making it sound too similar but I'm a huge hack so please send me hate mail.
I'd like to point something out
I used the word "faggot" several times in today's update. I hope you were impressed with my command of the English language. Scott Peterson also made an appearance today! That's called topical humor and if you don't know what you're doing, it can make your writing look dated the moment it's published. What does a 12 year old boy have in common with Michael Jackson's cumberbund? They both have "Michael Jackson's cum" in them. Fuck you I'm done.
RIP Julie Self
RIP Sarah Laws
Everyone else: Drive safe
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!