so help me CHRIST ALMIGHTY i will turn this thing around and teabag every one of you until you wish you'd never heard of the daily dirt

this little outing was a STUPID IDEA and i have HAD IT UP TO HERE

oh my god do you see this? you've made my beard curl. for christs sake you made my beard curl. i've been cultivating a straight and wholesome beard since goddamn nam and now you've gone and made it curl.

BE QUIET MIRIAM I AM TRYING TO DISCIPLINE THE BOYS, NO I WILL NOT LOWER MY VOICE THIS IS MY FORD WINDSTAR AND I WILL SAY WHAT I DAMN WELL PLEASE IN IT!!!

oh here come the waterworks, right on fucking schedule

go and sit on a bulbous baby carrot you shameless tart




will someone pass me the pork rinds
i think they're in the backseat

– FRONTPAGE DAD

More Daily Dirt

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.