...Death is Coming.

Seth "Terrorsaurus" Knisley

I Hate The Holidays

I have to work on Thanksgiving. My job is international and the Canadians care not for our special day of thanks of eating delicious, fat birds. Fuck Canada. Without hockey they are worthless.

I hate Christmas shopping. Not the actual act of shopping, because I do it all online now, but trying to figure out what crap people want. Gift cards are the easy way to go, but it seems like you are getting nothing. When you can put your gift in your wallet and walk away without any boxes in your hands, it feels like you got screwed.

Livestock's pants size keeps changing. I'm just getting him sweat pants this year.

New Years Eve is just an excuse for a bunch of drunk assholes to shoot off party poppers count down from 10 in a large group. Whoo hoo we succeed to move up another digit on the Roman calendar yet again! Now Dick Clark is introducing Good Charlotte! Look at all the crazy balloons and confetti! Oh god I don't feel so good... ~blurt~.

Civilization 4 is a Good Game

I've been playing Civ 4 a lot and I must say that they didn't screw up the release, a very rare occurrence in this day. I'm always "pwning n00bs" on multiplayer, so add "frolixo" to your buddy list and you might just be lucky enough to be defeated by me, or at least trade bananas for broadway musicals.

The Running Moose

I'm going to whine again so you can close the browser at any time. Sometimes the ideas just don't come and you can sit on your ass for days trying to think of something funny but just keep seeing the same picture of the moose running in your head.

You know what I'm talking about right? The moose that runs for days on end, on a journey for salvation, or perhaps just a bit of grass. When I start getting the "moose" symptoms, usually it makes writing almost impossible and I'm forced to use old Greasnin updates. Nobody ever read them so it's easy to pull off.

They say that a running moose is the first sign of a brain tumor, or people on the verge of a psychotic rage. I guess we'll find out.

– Reid "Frolixo" Paskiewicz

More Daily Dirt

This Week on Something Awful...

  • We Are Ready to Announce That Grimace is Human

    We Are Ready to Announce That Grimace is Human

    It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.