As of today, I will no longer be a regular writer for the front page. The board of directors have decided in all their wisdom that my contribution to the site would be better served "on the streets", rapping with the kids about gang violence, and saving small towns from rambunctious motorcycle gangs, rather than sitting around the home office and causing a mess in the break room.
Thus I am hitting the road in 2006 as a representative of SA on a grassroots program to spread democracy and get into all kinds of crazy adventures, like Renegade. Every month I will be doing one front page feature, reporting on the progress being made by my travels across this great nation. Our mission is to heal this country during this time of economic struggle and foreign wars with the power of laughter and fart jokes.
I won't let my fans and the good people of America down! God bless.
A special thanks to Humanity for his patriotic artistic skills.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Youtube user HolkHogan420 has been systematically exposing all of the Illuminati's plans.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!